Sociability and communicability

Occasionally a carer or nurse is about as talkative warm and friendly as a frozen chook in a supermarket. This does not lead to trust, enjoyment or happiness for the client, in fact it can do irreparable damage to the client by causing them to feel unliked or anxious, somehow causing trouble and being a burden. It is even worse when a carer is inconsistent, happily chatty one day and mute and morose the next. This is very confusing foryour client who will not be able to build up any rapport or trust with you whatsoever.

The majority of clients like to engage in respectful friendly conversation, even a bit of a laugh every now and then, without it being overpowering, all about you or gushy. Over the years I have noticed that very few clients are happy with a carer or community nurse that comes and goes like an icy wind, even if they do their job effectively.

As has been said before some clients see very few people during their usual daily life and occasionally they see or talk to no-one other than their carer. If the client is bed or home ridden, they especially enjoy the socialization an effective carer can bring and some community care companies actually expect a carer to socialize as part of their job. Even if you sit for a few minutes when the job is done and enjoy a cup of tea together and converse.

This can make the difference between joy and loneliness for your client. It is also a give and take interaction. You can learn a lot from a person’s life or history and have the opportunity to give something of yourself in return.

Just think of how you would feel if someone came to your home to clean it or help you shower yourself and said almost nothing while there or worse still made you feel like they didn’t want to be there, just did what they had to do and rushed away. It would be especially hurtful if they were the only person you saw in a week. You might even feel afraid to speak to them or, afraid of them, thwarting important communication. A carer can add something to someone’s life or they can make someone’s life less bearable.

If you are quiet then it may be difficult for you to present as gregarious, however communication between you and your client, even if you are a quiet personality, is an absolute necessity. Communication is more than socializing. It is more than vocalization. It is the smile, the touch, the body language and the way you do things – with love, remember?

Communication is more than salutations and it is definitely not speaking at your client neverendingly, driving them mad with senseless “twaddle”! Communication is interactive, therefore part of it, a large part of it actually, is listening and observing. If you don’t listen to your client’s words and observe your client’s needs how is it possible to care for them effectively?

Occasionally you will come across a client who wishes to remain silent for the time you spend with them. This is when adaptability comes to the fore. In their own way they are communicating even if they are saying, “don’t talk to me”. There could be a variety of reasons as to why they do not wish to communicate right now. Perhaps they are uncomfortable with having a “stranger” in their home, maybe their English is not good, perhaps they feel like they have lost their independence and are sad or frustrated or angry about their situation. In this instance it is wise to observe, be patient and remain polite. Build up their confidence in you and show them through your caring actions that you respect their feelings and reasons to remain silent. Over time you may find that the situation may change. Find ways to build rapport. Some of my crankiest, most off-handed clients in the past became close short-term friends after a period of patience, mutual respect and subtle communication. I say “short-term” friends because they have since passed on. Unfortunately this is one downside to the career of carer that makes it even more important to give the best care you can to someone whose remainder of life is short.

One form of communication that can be highly misunderstood is touch. Touching someone is one of those things that can bring relief, reassurance or comfort or contrarily can be confronting, uncomfortable, embarrassing or disliked.

For instance a client who is receiving palliative care can find gentle combing or brushing of their hair quite comforting whereas the same client may dislike the feeling of having their feet and toes touched or massaged. In other words, communication with your client as to their preference for touching or massaging is advantageous. It is not a good idea to assume that everyone likes to be touched. Not only that it is wise to obtain your client’s permission to massage, hold their hands or comb their hair for them to understand that you are trying to make them feel comfortable, not trying to compromise them in some way.

This is especially true if you are attending to a male client. There is an exception to this rule however and that is when someone is dying or is extremely ill, when a caring hold of their hand is the most comforting care you can give. As an aside, if you do receive permission to massage your client, be sure you know how to professionally do this and not cause more harm than good, as deep massage to painful and/or inflamed areas can be detrimental.

Unless you have a Certificate of Remedial Massage it is best to stick to Therapeutic Massage that still has many benefits such as easing stress and stiffness and increasing flexibility amongst other things. At all times it is essential to adopt good manners when visiting a client in their home, apartment or facility. At no time is it excusable to be bossy or rude.

For instance, if a client does not wish to go along with what you require them to do, which can at times be true of dementia patients, you are never to push or bully them, raise your voice, be condescending or otherwise show inappropriate behaviour. Try to gently cajole them again later when their mood may be different.

As well as the occasional bully carer or nurse, in my travels I have come across “condescenders” - some carers and people in general who speak to the aged and adult disabled folk as if they were two years old. No adult I know appreciates being treated as a two year old. Would you?

Speaking down to people is just as bad as bossing them around. It is obnoxious. Besides, a person either feels hurt that you look on them as stupid or they just can’t understand what you are saying – either way it is bad communication.

A condescending manner is never acceptable. Nor are “toilies”, “wee wees”,“sleepybys”, “nigh nighs”, “nap naps” or “I could just squeeze those cute cutie cheeks off ”! Furthermore the wearing of disposable pants is not akin to being a baby in nappies. Give disposable pant wearers their due respect and dignity. After all, one day you may have to wear them too. Would you enjoy a nurse chastising you for wetting your pants?

Finally, when communicating and socializing with the aged, disabled and in fact all people, remember to listen and observe more than you speak and always, always, smile, be respectful and remain polite.